Motorbike 101

Hanoi has been quite an experience. What stands out most to me is the millions--MILLIONS-- of motorbikes. The traffic here is mesmerising--how is nobody crashing? Fender benders? How do pedestrians cross the street alive?? We did a lot of observations on our walking tour and in subsequent bus rides out/into town. I've compiled a little Q&A of Hanoi motorbikes for you at home...

The main question I had was, "Is there ever NOT a good time for motorbiking?" (Answer: No. Motorbikes go everywhere, with everyone, for everything. See below for details.)

Q: What if I need to be super fancy dressed up?

A: Go for it. At least 70% of women drivers here are wearing stilletos and skirts.

Q: What if I want to take my girlfriend out on a date?

A: Hop on the back, sweetheart.

Q: What if I want to take my whole family out to dinner?

A: Squeeze in tight. They'll all fit.

Q: What if I have a newborn baby?

A: They'll learn quickly to like it. Just squish between mom and pop. Or if only one parent is aboard, squeeze them between your knees.

Q: What if I need to transport 500 coke bottles?

A: They'll fit. Get a bungee cord.

Q: What if I need to transport a refridgerator?

A: It'll fit. Get a bungee cord.

Q: What if my friend's motorbike breaks down?

A: It'll fit. Get a bungee cord. (Seriously--just strap it to the back of your motorbike.)

Q: What if I'm not sure how to drive in traffic?

A: Use your horn early and often. If you're ever unsure about a manuever, just gun it. You'll probably make it between those two buses coming from opposite directions. Probably.

Note: Even though I have thoroughly observed and researched these answers, I did not, and will not, EVER drive a motorbike here. Holy cow. 11,000 people die in Vietnam from traffic accidents each year, and 30,000 more are injured. Taxi, please?

--

T

The DeathBus

Yes, Mar's account was accurate--our accents failed miserably. The next morning we talked our way onto a bus that was headed for Vietnam (we hoped!). Bus schedules are a very strange thing here. We got to the bus station at 7am, boarded the bus...and then the bus driver and his attendant drove us to a restaurant where they parked, left us on the bus, and ate a leisurely breakfast of lettuce soup and we watched out the window. Hmm.

They proceeded to pack the bus to the gills with local travelers and their multitudes of luggage to the point where we had to sit on our chairs with our knees to our chins to make room for bags of rice, mysterious yellow plastic cases, hardware, and the like. Not the most comfortable ride for 10 hours to say the least, but the scenery was pretty incredible. Every small village we passed through, the local kids would run out and wave, laughing hysterically if I waved back.

We crossed the the Vietnam border with no problem. Mar had his bag thoroughly searched (his Old Spice was carefully inspected), and mine was given a cursory glance after they opened my bag of lady-things. We cruised into our first Vietnamese town to a local welcome--at least for Mar-- when, at a lunch stop, a group at another table took a liking to him and began pouring him some welcome drinks. I was largely ignored, I imagine because of my lower status as a woman, but I have to say I was rather grateful not to have to partake in that welcome session.

Onward the bus went, getting more and more packed as we flew down the bumpy roads picking up anyone with a suitcase or a birdcage (yes, a birdcage. we were treated to singing for a good long while). Once we got closer to the city, we got our first taste of REAL Viet Nam driving. And it will scare your hair white. Pedal to the metal, horns blaring, no regard for road divisions, motorbikes, or head-on semi trucks. It was terrifying, but Mar and I kept our good "neutral" faces on as the rest of the people on the bus looked as if they were watching a particularly boring episode of C-span or something. I tried to keep myself busy by coming up with the words to describe this deathbus on the blog....he drove like a bat out of hell? No. Even a bat on his way out of hell would have guano'd his pants on this bus.

We have never been so happy to arrive in Hanoi --a huge, busy city-- as we were when we stepped off this bus alive.

T

I can't quite place that accent

On we moved, ever east winding through the jungles of Lao until we came to Sam Neua (we never did quite figure out how to pronounce it, each time we said it to somebody leading to a blank stare). Walking into town from the bus station felt like we stepped through a portal into a different world. The red communist flags lining the streets and large block monument at the city entrance gave us the feeling that we must have accidentally crossed the border already into Vietnam.

Exploring Sam Neua was fun. We found the most interesting market I;ve seen so far. The smells we mesmarizing (we had to walk down the pork aisle twice to get the full effect, and try to identify the different parts of the pigs, the head was obvious). At the clothes market Tina set her sights on a shirt with Lao writing on it, not know what it meant. Our failed attempts to find out only led to hysterical laughing and teasing by the ladies running the stalls, to the point where they didnt even try to sell her the shirt. We got it anyways, and later found out it says something along the lines of "Happy Songkran, please don't dump water on me". Something that would have been useful a week ago.

By dinner Tina had the brilliant scheme to don our best worst accents, seeing as nobody in the entire town could understand us. She went Australian, while I went with a cross between German and Bostonian. Needless to say, it lasted until the first person we actually had to communicate something to, our waiter at dinner, who stood there unfazed and uncomprehending, and we had to go back to the tried and true method of pointing we had been using before.

The Magic (Mini)Bus

Onward! After spending a brilliant two days in Nong Kiew, it was time to soldier on. Locals told us the bus left at 10 or 11...The bus station told us the bus left at 12:30....and the bus actually left a 2. So....needless to say, we spend a lot of time waiting at the bus station, not sure whether we actually were going anywhere! To pass the time, we borrowed some bocce balls and played at the bus station courts...until I broke a ball! Yes folks, I somehow managed to split a giant, heavy metal ball clean in half. Don't ask me how. Don't ask Marshall, either. He was more suprised than me! So, game over there.

We finally climbed aboard a minibus (no pickup trucks here!) and readied ourselves for the 5 hour ride to Vien Thong. It was wild. Twisty, turny, bumpy, cliff-y, rainy, lightening-y...but Marshall and I have agreed it was our favorite bus ride so far. We saw incredible scenery...mountains, rivers, rice paddies, little villages...4 year olds leading giant cows by ropes, packs of pigs and piglets sqealing across the road.... When it got dark and the lightening started, and the bus windows started to leak, it only added to the adventure. We pulled into Vien Thong fairly late, so we didn't get a good chance to explore, but found a comfy guesthouse and some great noodle soup before we crawled into our bug nets (matching pink twin beds with matching pink bug nets was the only option at this guesthouse) and slept.


--
T

On the Road Again -- Nong Kiew

After luxuriating in Luang Prabang, we decided to get back on the road and explore the town of Nong Kiew. We arrived at the bus station preparing to settle into some sort of minibus for the 4+ hour journey, and were a bit surprised to be shuttled into the back of a pickup truck. We had flashbacks of the slowboat as more and more and more passengers and their giant bags (of rice? of bricks? what is so heavy?!) were loaded on. We ended up sandwiched between 15 others as we bumped along the road. We could only laugh as it began to rain halfway through. We made friends by sharing cookies and besides the pain of cramping legs, it was a pretty fun trip.

We disembarked in Nong Kiew, which is GORGEOUS. Huge rock karsts stick into the sky out of nowhere...green everywhere you look, and a beautiful river running right through the thick of it. We found an awesome riverside bungalow (with hammock! score!!) and explored the riverside, watching the local kids swim and fish.

The next day, we rented mountainbikes and set off towards some local caves we'd heard about. Terrible mistake number 1: Starting your activities at the beginning of the heat of the day.
Terrible mistake number 2: Doing the most strenous possible activity at the hottest time possible.

By the time we made it out to the start of the cave trail (where we had to leave the bikes behind), we looked like we'd just been swimming, drenched in sweat. Unfortunately, our fitness level was only just being put to the test: It was quite a hike out to the caves! Through rice paddies, over fences, and into the jungle...and then straight UP the mountainside. When we finally found the cave, which was used as a hiding spot during the Secret War bombings, we were almost too tired to climb into the vast darkness. Almost. But it was so cool in there...bit creepy, no signs or anything...just...explore at your own risk! It was awesome. Worth the trip, I think. Marshall might tell you differently.

Once we dragged ourselves back into town and had a cold drink, we debated about biking more. Apparently there were more caves down the road in the other direction. We finally decided to buck up and go-- and I'm glad we did. These were enormous caves, only 100m away from the main road--and had also been used as a place to hide the entire village during the second Indochina war. The caves were impressive, and certain caverns were labeled (security section, art section, section where bullets were hidden in the sand...). Our legs could barely carry us back to town, but we definitley earned our BeerLao and hammock time for the evening.

Next up: more bus rides!

--T

Dry Land: Luang Prabang!

Yes, it's true. I evidently was tipping the boat over with my big American butt. Not sure why they didn't switch the sturdy 6 foot tall German couple next to me...but I'm over it. Kind of...

Mar put it perfectly, the slow boat was definitely a majestic experience. Equally as exciting was stepping off the boat onto dry land and regaining my personal space! Luang Prabang, besides being the most fun city to pronounce, is a really neat town with an interesting cultural mix of French and Lao culture. The colonial influence is seen by western-style villas and buildings, contrasted by the colorful Lao street markets and Buddhist temples right across the street. We stayed here two nights--no ghosts here, by the way--and rented bikes to explore the city. We saw breathtaking temples, enormous spiders, and ate excellent Lao food. Our exploring energy was a bit dampered by the heat, so we allowed some good rest time in there, too. (I treated myself to a $4 pedicure. Now my toes are monk's-robe orange!)

-T

Slow boat, go boat, whoa boat

The slow boat ride down the Mekong was one of those majestic, unforgettable experiences that can only truly be enjoyed quile squatting on the floor wedged between a Lao mother who's baby keeps hitting her and a group of Lao men playing careds on a suitcase. Waking up early after a ghost-ridden night we headed down to the dock to ensure we got a seat on the boat, which proved to be a good idea, as group after group of tourist and locals alike came marching down the stairs to cram into the vessel. After 3 hours of playing the "this has to be the last group they can't possibly fit any more" game, we were off on our journey.

The trip was fantastic, with every bend in the river offering a new and interesting glimpse into local lao life, as kids swam, villagers of all ages fished, farmed and congregated by the beaches and jutting rocks of the river. That night we stayed in Pakbeng and got our first taste of local buffalo Lap (ground up with mint), along with instructions from the locals on how to eat it with our hands and the sticky rice. The next morning we strolled down to the boat dock, only to find the boat already crowded with everybody who hadn't gotten a good seat the day before. We nestled into our little corners in the front of the boat with the before mentioned locals. This seating arrangement worked out great, as I joined in the card game with the lao men (a loa version of asshole, which I got dominated at and had to excuse myself before they started playing for money), shared food and drink with the family, and got to practice a little lao.

Things learned on the Mekong:
- When you think the boat is full, it can always fit at least 6 more people and 12 more bags of rice.
- When the boat lists port side, the captain will have Tina switch seats with a tiny old lao woman across from her to correct the problem (this actually happened).

Laost in Translation

Hi! Found internet again, and this time I'm not paying 250 kip per minute!

A few good stories from our first night in Laos:

Marshall and I were warned that Lao people were not very friendly and wouldn't look us in the eye...and found the exact opposite. After checking into a nice guesthouse (for a whopping $10), we walked around the neighborhood and were immediately invited to a local Lao party! They sat us down, fed us dried fish, and poured us BeerLao (the beer of choice here) and LaoLao (local whisky)...and lots of it. They sang kareoke and we tried to communicate with our limited Lao and their limited English...mostly it was just them smiling, nodding, and pushin a laolao cup to our lips. As much as we wanted to participate in local culture, we had to escape or we would have never been able to find our way home.

I'll tell the second story from this night, but you all must promise you won't think I've lost it over here. That night, in our guesthouse, we were visited by a ghost. I woke up at 1am and our doorknob was rattling and shaking. I could hear a faint jingle of keys too. I woke up Marshall and he went over to the door to make sure it was double-latched, and called out that we were in the room. The rattling continued, and he said it was probably the wind. I almost threw up I was so scared...the light shining from under the door showed no feet or anyone standing there...When it quieted down, Mar opened the door to see if anyone was around. There was nobody around at all...but it wasn't windy at all either.